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What non secular figures and superheros can do for Australian sport


All good enjoyable, sure? Little doubt there’s just a few knotted knickers and lingerie on the market about taking the Lord’s identify in useless – which presupposes He had no sense of humour – however with regards to the doable positions of spiritual figures in soccer groups, you will have come to the correct place. I’ve written loads on the topic over time, and one of many letter writers even credit me with establishing that Christ as soon as performed fullback for Jerusalem.

As of late, nonetheless, I’d deliver him into the place of Wallaby five-eighth, and wouldn’t waste him at Souths – as a minimum of with the Wobblies he’d be enjoying on a genuinely world stage. (And also you’re proper, I’d additionally make Jesus group physio and after-match caterer, therapeutic the grievously injured and feeding a complete stadium with simply a few loaves and fishes. His capability to show total reservoirs of water into wine would assistance on each fronts.)

Moses, Wally Lewis, Thor

Moses, Wally Lewis, Thor

Souths? They will have Judas, out on the hard-nutter proper wing. He’s quick. He’s laborious. He’s angular. He’s a nippy little bastard who you’ll be able to’t pin down. His signature on the contract can be value nothing, after all, however in league that’s hardly something new?

For the all-over Non secular Figures XV, Pontius Pilate has to carry down the loosehead prop place, on his imperious nature alone. And the fabulous Buddha as tight-head prop wants no debate. Speak about bodily and ethical gravitas on the coronary heart of the pack!

For hooker, I’d love a kind of great Hindu gods, with a number of further limbs which is able to all the time are available in helpful.

The Good Samaritan? He should be within the second row. He’s selfless. Beneficiant of spirit. In it for the group. He’d be the fixed glue to deliver the aspect collectively, all the time ensuring that the leper out on the opposite wing wouldn’t be unnoticed of group singalongs.

Souths? They will have Judas, out on the hard-nutter proper wing. He’s quick. He’s laborious. He’s angular.

I additionally fancy the Good Samaritan would additionally assist preserve the peace between our flying flankers, Cain and Abel? Sam’s second-row companion should be the mighty Mohammed who, past every thing else, will make the turn-stiles swing!

Joseph, enjoying in his coat of many colors is our No.8. All groups want a minimum of one group member who’s a bit on the market, and Joseph is our man.

Halfback may be Athena, the Greek Goddess of Knowledge and Battle, the link-woman to beat all of them who will after all be helpful throughout the park.

Moses? I do know it. You recognize it. He’s our inside centre, steaming up the center and parting the opposition defence just like the Crimson Sea. Consider the mixture Jesus may type as five-eighth with Moses simply exterior him! The nice issues they may obtain! At exterior centre, I’ve acquired Wally Lewis, which is the place he generally appeared for the 1977 Australian Schoolboys aspect when Mark Ella and Michael Hawker had fly-half and inside-centre positions crammed. Wally is a GOD, and simply needs to be there.

The mighty Thor would take some stopping.

The mighty Thor would take some stopping.

At fullback, there isn’t any debate. It’s the nice Norse god, Thor. He’s quick, he’s livid, he’d be fabulous below the high-ball and an absolute demon in each assault and defence.

However it nonetheless leaves us with the difficulty of who ought to captain the group? Not Jesus. Sure, he can be an amazing chief by instance, however haranguing the group below the purpose posts, exhorting them to go more durable? It’s simply not Him. He did have some rants in Him – kicking the moneylenders out of the temple springs to thoughts – however as I bear in mind it from Sunday College it was typically not in His nature.

After-match homilies have been clearly a private specialty and team-mates may bear in mind his speeches word-for-word as a lot as eighty years later, once they have been first written down. And together with his all-up humility, I simply don’t suppose he’d wish to run out on the head of the group.

The greybeard Moses may probably be the higher go, and he may definitely drill into the aspect the Ten Commandments of Profitable Soccer.

No.1. Get the ball to Jesus! He’s the Means.

No.2. We’re in it for the group.

No.3. The one strategy to heaven is to beat the heathens, and many others!

However, on reflection, it’s in all probability greatest to go along with Wally Lewis as skipper. When the chips are down in opposition to the group from these darkish satanic mills, Wally will discover a strategy to win!

It has been ever thus. It will likely be ever thus. So, verily it’s written.

That’s it. Hearth at will. See if I care.

@Peter_Fitz

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